i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
