and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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