what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
