Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
