I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
