I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
