best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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