He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
