Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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