Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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