At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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