god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
