on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
