just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
