you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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