You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
that is very illegal...i love you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
