LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
