don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
