and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
