so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
