I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
