Umm I'm too high to move.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
