You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
