Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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