Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
