oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
