If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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