Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
