When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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