found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
