Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
