I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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