only if we run a train.
done.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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