I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
