mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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