Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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