a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
