I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
