just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize