Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
