Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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