someone threw a dead crab at me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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