I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you inspire me to be a worse person
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
