you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
