maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
