had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
