I got chris browned last night
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I touched a dick in church today
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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