i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
