I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
