he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
