When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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