just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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