a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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