I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
