Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
