Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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