1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's Friday. Sex?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
