I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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