i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
