this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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