Porn is love you can see.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
