and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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