New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
