Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
